“True love, in the nun’s definition, is the one that lasts even when the passion fades. It is independent from sexual attraction.”

First of all, thanks for the article. Fun to read about what and how monks, nuns, and adults choose to abstain from one of the most powerful genetic imprints and dopamine providers in our DNA — to have sex and procreate.

Love is deeper than sex, anyone worth their bag of salt knows this from previous experiences and failures with love. Intensity isn’t the problem unless you act before you know your true compatibility with someone.

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“Man and woman kissing in a field at La Fresneda, partially obscured by long waving grasses” by Montse Monmo on Unsplash

I admire someone that can defend against the urge against having sex, but that doesn’t mean the urge is wrong. We can honestly say the feeling is part of the human experience, and rather than give into it, look for the partner that exemplifies the qualities and values that make love sustainable and truly compatible, much like a best friend would.

Too many of my friends got married early and never really knew what they needed. Even my mother and my father lacked self-awareness of what would keep their love sustainable. Their attraction faded and the foundation of friendship wasn’t true. If their friendship had remained intact, the intensity and passion would have allowed for independence and growth into new levels of love, trust, intensity, and respect.

These nuns teach us how to be like leaves flowing on top of a river of emotion, but why can’t Buddhist nuns teach us how to both indulge in sexual attraction and build true friendship? Where is the Buddhist code on that kind of relationship and dating? :)

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