Tesia,

I feel you here. I run towards female friendships with authentic, non make-up wearing souls. I myself, feel it easier to connect, unroll the feelings and emotions of my life, my day, even my shitty Seattle espresso that tasted like floral Ajax cleaner.

I have found it takes mature adults to admit when there is a desire — either in the beginning or 10 years later. I have had women tell my they love me after years and years of soul sister love, and I’m like, “now what?”

The next stage of platonic male/female friendship is dealing with the feelings of desire and/or rejection for either party and celebrating what made you (or me) or them great in the first place.

I’d bet some of your male friends would not keep investing their time/energy without the chance of “knocking dem boots” but then again, the shallow water is never where deep meaning swims (oh wow, I just made that up).

You do need to be transparent and proactive in helping the boy lover friends understand your intentions. If they speak their desires, remind them. Help them. Coach them. Support them. Be their friend.

If they choose to let that go, that’s on them, not you.

Even if you are pretty, or cool, or a boy’s boy, you will or could one day be on the other side of this equation (like me) and you will have to ask yourself the same question, “Does my desire of this hidden sexual agenda inhibit a true, and growing platonic friendship?”

Is there anything to celebrate without desire with some of these men? Or is their attention the thing that feigns substance and friendship?

Great piece. I struggle with this too.

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“Do it or don’t do it.”

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