As a heterosexual man, my truth is that online dating is a modern carousel sushi conveyor belt for both sides, regardless of how much we don’t want it to be. In my head, men think: “Oh, would you look at there, the California Roll went by, she looks successful, rich, motivated (yet lives with his parents). Not what I want. Ohh, there’s that active Dragon Roll (this lady, she is tall, active, yes, active is just that right quality that I like). Ummm, I’ll wait. I don’t play volleyball. I think that’s the, oopps, there it is, the Spider Roll, the one with really fancy rims on her car, Uggs and tiny poodle in her hands, and looks to have fake tits and tons of money! Yes, I’ll take her!”
I mean, we can all say what we want, but it doesn’t mean any of it’s true. Whether you type words “active lifestyle” or “must play chess” or “must be emotionally intelligent,” at the end of the day, they are just qualifiers of tastes and personality and what we want to value in our life.
What does your profile say (I’ll share mine if you share your’s :)?
My bio of 390 words used to say, “I’m funny, weird, love to dance salsa, and love sports. Oh, and I like to laugh a lot.”
That got me a ton fuck of nowhere. I’m still single. Bayonetting myself with swipes and texts and dinners that cost me way too much money. I wish people would actually say who they are in their bio.
Like, “I’m a fucking unicorn. If you aren’t going to ride me, please swipe right.”
If a woman is looking for some admirable qualities in a man, say, funny, weird, adventurous, fit (oh, I mean active ;), then she will read my qualities and might say, “We have that in common, we should meet.”
Should we not write anything in our bio about what our values, the judgments as to what is important in our lives?
I don’t want to date a smoker, do you?
Should I not say that?
I say, be upfront about your values, your likes, your dislikes, and try to meet if you enjoyed the profile of the person, and they look attractive to you. Even if you question a few of the qualities of another person, the technology is there to help people meet, not become virtual admirers (which is what I feel happens more and more).
My truth is, online dating is superficial because attraction always swipes first, so what else can you do (online) to understand someone’s personality or tastes in life?
Like a bro saying, “ I love the gym, I work out hard like a ton, especially on my fucking biceps and I drive a sweet ass bike to go out into Beverly Hills to the nightclubs,” may say all you need to know about meeting this man.
The problem isn’t saying, I would like to hike with someone. The problem is judging someone before you meet them because they said, “I don’t like to hike, but rather enjoy a 4:00min mile pace rollerblade to the mall.”
Who the fuck cares, they are both active. You like to walk, I like to run. You like to ketchup, I like to mustard. You like short hair, I like long hair. They are both qualifying statements, and both sides do this on their dating profiles, but men just lack the “descriptive words” to explain the fact that “active” might just mean a myriad of things: Possibly, I am an adventurous hiker, or I care about personal fitness, or I like to work out, or I run triathlons, or I play volleyball, or I want a perfect ass and a skinny waist. Or maybe men just want to know you care about your health and saying, “looking for active lifestyle” just funnels all of those active qualities into one bucket for us.
Maybe it’s not always a plea for, “have dem apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, look rigggght thurrr.”
My shitty conclusion:
The whole point of online dating is to filter attraction and tastes quickly so you can hastily get to the meeting section of dating someone to see if you have real life chemistry or compatibility or attraction, live, in flesh. Judging the qualifiers or wants of a person, is exactly what is wrong with online dating — that it stops you from meeting a real person.
Honestly, the real shitty valued men and women will always judge a person by those bio qualifiers before that meeting, which saves you the time of meeting shitty valued people. But technology has made dating an online menu, regardless of our feelings about it. I just wish 70% of my matches would actually meet me, instead of text me those dreaded, boring words: “Hi. Like, you are so cute!”
And then never meet up.
Sorry for the man rant.